T minus 31 days

Published February 16, 2012 by PinkEnergizerBunny

Well today was eventful, that’s for sure!!!

Started off with my awesome (but grueling) workout. I will report that my body is slowly getting used to the intensity, however my feet have been cramping up like CRAZY, so that has been quite the annoyance. I will switch shoes for tomorrow and see what happens. Other than that, my workout leaves me feeling vibrant, energized, and positively happy (for the most part) for the rest of the day. YAY!

I had plans a while back to have lunch with one of my best friends, and so I took a break half-way through my day. To make it sound efficient, I filled up on coffee so that I could be extra focused when I got back to lab. Yes, I said the “L” word. I worked in lab today despite the fact that I said I would be writing on Thursdays. <gasp> Before you judge me, relax. It was for good reason. I needed to purify a compound for the next step in my synthetic scheme. I ran the column immediately after lunch and even prepared the NMR tube for an evening data collection. Success!

Well, not entirely. I isolated this compound in such a small amount, that it sent me into a panic and frenzy. I was worried that I would not have enough to fully experiment with the next (NEW) step I would be trying and that I would have to go back 3 steps and make more starting material. GULP. As if that kind of work is something I need right now!

Still stressed out, I then arrived at the library where I got to see my hard-working buddies: Susan and Carlos, and together they persuaded me off a ledge. Literally when I told them about my stresses, I felt a mini breakdown coming on. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING AND HELPING ME WORK THROUGH IT!!!!! Well, following the waterworks and tachycardia I came to my senses and was all 🙂 after some VERY HELPFUL consolation and encouragement. GRACIAS 🙂 

What I need to do now I have decided is to REGROUP AND GET FOCUSED!!! This document needs to be written and that is the end of the story. Time to stop being lazy, quit making excuses, stop playing with chemicals (hahhahaa) and just write it up. That is all there is to it. Appropriately enough, the T minus 30 day mark is approaching in 24 hours. How ironic. Didn’t I predict this situation not too long back?

Either way, I have put myself in this situation, and now I need to get myself out of it. On a deeper level, I think I have been putting off this whole writing business because on some level I do not WANT to graduate. I am self-sabotaging my success. It’s almost like I am not LETTING myself write. Holy crap. Really?!

I just realized recently how much I LOVE my project and how I am not a terrible chemist (all the time) and eventually with a little patience and a LOT of hard work, things just work out…

I hereby declare that I am OVER this and it’s time to realize yes, one day soon (a little too soon) I will have those glorious 3 letters after my last name that I have been literally DREAMING about for years. It is now time to take what is rightfully mine in just a few short months. 😉

[FLASHBACK: There was a point in my grad student career when I contemplated quitting. This was back in 2009. I literally told my advisor that I was done with the PhD program and that I would just be doing Pharmacy school. “It’s been a great experience, but this is not for me. I am in way over my head.” He looked at me in disgust, since this was the first time I had ever quit anything in the time I had worked with him. After trying to change my mind,  while I insisted that I had had enough and that I was going Bye bye bye (jk, sorry for that….it was too tempting!) he told me to pack up my compounds and make a list for his library. The next morning, after I had calmed down, I decided I would try just ONE more reaction before I quit for good. You know, while I was packing up and all. I got so engrossed in the experiment that I did not realized when my advisor came up to ask me what I was still doing in lab. “Weren’t you supposed to be packed up by now?” To which I replied “I think I will stay for 1 more day.” A month and a half later I defended my candidacy proposal. A month after that, as I was cleaning out random email clutter, I came across an email dating back to 2005 inquiring about a PharmD/PhD program at UMB (they do not have an official one). I literally bawled at the thought of almost giving up a few months back. I was so happy that I had followed through and stuck with a dream I had for so long, but even forgotten in times of stress that comes with doing research. Moral of the story: stay humble, work hard, and DON’T QUIT!]

Goals I had for today:

  1. Insanity Workout! becoming part of my daily routine and I LOVE it!
  2. Run MD-24 column did this after lunch
  3. MD-24 1H NMR pure!
  4. MD-24 13C NMR scheduled for Sunday afternoon
  5. MD-4 13C NMR try 2
  6. link notebook experiments to Lit Ref Quicksheet will work on this tomorrow
  7. Outline introduction of title compounds in Intro/Background (this will be tricky!)
In addition, I finalized my dedication. Small yay. Any parts of my thesis I can bring to a 100% is major success.
*Super important: I also fixed my 30 day plan of attack (see Schedule section) to add in more detail…this will be key to my survival and success over the next month*

Night -.- ______________________________________________________________________________________________________ PLAN for Friday, Feb 17th 2012:

    1. Insanity Workout 7:30-9am
    2. Show up at DH 9am (Commons 329)
    3. link notebook experiments to Lit Ref Quicksheet (2hrs MAX)
    4. Write up dimer project in Results section
    5. Write up 13C NMR spectral data for MD-4, MD-5 and copy/paste spectra into appendix

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